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Woody Allen

“What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? Or what’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?”
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T. S. Eliot

“Humor is also a way of saying something serious.”
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Martin Mull

“Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.”
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Immanuel Kant

“Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.”
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Douglas Adams

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
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Steven Wright

“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
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Shirley Temple

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”
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Clyde B. Aster

“When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty sure he’s going to have a go at it anyway.”
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Totie Fields

“I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.”
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Caskie Stinnett

“A diplomat… is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.”
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