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George Bernard Shaw

“If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.”
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Kurt Vonnegut

“One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.”
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Stephen Leacock

“I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.”
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Carl Sagan

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
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Sir Thomas Beecham

“A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it.”
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Mark Twain

“It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.”
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Unknown

“What if this weren’t a hypothetical question?”
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Fran Lebowitz

“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.”
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Woody Allen

“As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’ — probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.”
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Woody Allen

“I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.”
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