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Kin Hubbard

“Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.”
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Ambrose Bierce

“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”
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H. L. Mencken

“In the United States, doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with something to sell.”
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Peter Stone

“‘So you think *I’m* the murderer? What do I have to do to convince you that I’m not, be the next victim?’/ ‘Well, that would be a start.'”
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Tommy Cooper

“Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.”
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M. Cartmill

“As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life – so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.”
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Steven Wright

“It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.”
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Groucho Marx

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”
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Kin Hubbard

“A good listener is usually thinking about something else.”
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George Saunders

“Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.”
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