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Clive James

“Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it’s in Hamburger Technology.”
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Doug Larson

“If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.”
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Solomon Short

“I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.”
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Laurence J. Peter

“Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.”
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Unknown

“A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.”
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C. S. Lewis

“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”
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Elbert Hubbard

“Never explain–your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.”
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Groucho Marx

“Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.”
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Henry J. Tillman

“The world is my lobster.”
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Robert Benchley

“The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.”
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