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Samuel Goldwyn

“A Hospital is no place to be sick.”
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Mitch Hedberg

“I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.”
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Bertrand Russell

“Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives’ mouths.”
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Fran Lebowitz

“The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.”
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Amy Carter

“No.”
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Mae West

“He who hesitates is a damned fool.”
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George Ade

“Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.”
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Richard M. Nixon

“Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.”
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Ogden Nash

“A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.”
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Phillip Lopate

“The prospect of a long day at the beach makes me panic. There is no harder work I can think of than taking myself off to somewhere pleasant, where I am forced to stay for hours and ‘have fun’.”
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