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Will Cuppy

“Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.”
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William Shakespeare

“Exit, pursued by a bear.”
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Dick Cavett

“It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear.”
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Evan Esar

“The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.”
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Mark Twain

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don’t know.”
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Don Marquis

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'”
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H. P. Lovecraft

“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.”
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Mitch Hedberg

“I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.”
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Fred Allen

“Committee–a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.”
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Fran Lebowitz

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”
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