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Evan Esar

“The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.”
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Mark Twain

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don’t know.”
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Don Marquis

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'”
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H. P. Lovecraft

“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.”
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Mitch Hedberg

“I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.”
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Fred Allen

“Committee–a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.”
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Fran Lebowitz

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”
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Vilhjalmur Stefansson

“What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.”
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Samuel Johnson

“A cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out.”
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Rita Holt

“There it was, hidden in alphabetical order.”
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