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Jerome K. Jerome

“It is always the best policy to speak the truth–unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.”
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Mark Twain

“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.”
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Frank Dane

“Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.”
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Barry Switzer

“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.”
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Robert Byrne

“Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo.”
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Charles De Gaulle

“I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.”
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Douglas Adams

“He hoped and prayed that there wasn’t an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn’t an afterlife.”
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Tom Lehrer

“On my income tax 1040 it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.”
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George Winters

“If God had really intended men to fly, he’d make it easier to get to the airport.”
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John Lennon

“Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.”
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